proving that Bush = Sgt. Speedo

The year was 1986.  A young George W. Bush visited a psychic.

“You have a great future ahead of you,” said the psychic, peering at the lines in Bush’s palm.

“I know! My Daddy‘s vice president after all.”

“Someday, you will be famous, for you will invade Iraq. Beware, oh ancient land, for Bush himself is coming to subdue you!”

Bush was speechless. He couldn’t imagine how this could be. But he never forgot this prediction. Later, after he became president, he told only his close friend and advisor Condi Rice. But she told a friend or two, who told a friend or two, until the story reached the ears of one Sgt. Speedo.

“That proves that I am Bush!” he said, excitedly.

“What do you mean,” said one of his friends, a fellow military veteran sitting at the bar with him.

“I was the first one across – on the ground, I mean. On March 19, 2003, we got the order to go. And I was in the lead tank, driving it. I was literally the first man across the border. I invaded Iraq. I fulfilled the psychic’s prediction. I am Bush!“

His friends stared intently at Speedo’s face. Was he joking? He had shown signs of post traumatic stress disorder, and they feared that he was showing mental illness. Finally, Cpl. O.B. Vious piped up.

“Speedo, it was Bush who invaded Iraq, not you.”

“You’re begging the question, Corporal Vious,” shot back Speedo. “I just proved that I am Bush. It was truly I who fulfilled the prophecy.”

“Speedo, it is obvious that you are not Bush! Right now, he’s in Texas, and you’re here in a bar in Maryland.”

“Ha – you’re assuming that I, that is George W. Bush, can’t be in two places at once.”

There was another round of awkward blank stares, as the beer glasses sat idle on the table. Captain Smart broke the silence.

“Suppose he, or you, can be in two places at once. Still, he’s married to Laura Bush, and you’re single.”

“That’s what you think,” shot Speedo.

“Anyway, what is it to ‘invade Iraq’? Yeah, we all did it, in the sense that we had our boots on the ground there, fighting to subdue the country. But in another sense, the generals who ordered us in invaded Iraq, just by making their orders. And perhaps in the highest sense, Bush invaded Iraq, in that, as commander in chief, he started the whole thing going. He pulled the trigger, as it were.”

“But the psychic said that Bush himself was coming to subdue the country.”

“He did – via the US military – not all by himself, not personally. Her prediction about Bush came true, through all of us, yes, and through you, Speedo, but this does nothing to show that you are Bush. We all know that you’re not!” Smart sat back and took a drink, giving a satisfied look that said “Case Closed.”

“Speedo,” asked Vious, leaning in, “have you stopped taking your medication?”

“Yes,” said Speedo, sheepishly.

Application.